I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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