She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
