Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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