# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
