Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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