I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
