The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
