If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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