Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
