Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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