it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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