I hate all girls vehemently.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
