I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
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