So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
