you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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