i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
