nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I smell stomach acid.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
