We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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