You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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