a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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