i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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