...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
sex in a hospital.. check
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
