this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
