she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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