Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
