If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
