It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
