Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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