Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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