I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
