I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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