when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
