Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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