he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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