I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
