Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
