I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
