There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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