I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
