you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
