I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
