I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
