i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
