I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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