You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
