I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
