She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
