i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
