I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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