Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh god it's open bar.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
