Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
how does that bad decision feel?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
