party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
