We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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