i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
