Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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