I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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