can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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