Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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