Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
